Signs of the Apocalypse

Some folks (I have no idea who is making all these discoveries any more, its either scientists, adventurers, government agents, the military, the little rascals, who the heck can tell) discovered methane plumes off the eastern seaboard this past (insert random time frame that could be 1 day to 78 years).

At first I read the headline and thought, "sweet lima beans the Apocalypse at last." Then found out that its just methane plumes coming up through the water and have been probably doing that for 70 million years. Somewhere in the literature all the methane trapped beneath the ocean will release one day, cause global metldown and we'll all die. Well accept those lucky few who escape to a basement and have a machete, a pistol with only a few rounds, and some canned dog food.

Canned dog food is the key to surviving the apocalypse.