NEWS! Egyptians were Humans

It has long been believed that Egyptians were not humans, but rather some hybrid form of creature birthed from the sun god Ra's own imaginings. As such they were utterly immune to normal bodily functions such as going to the bathroom, eating, breathing, having clogged arteries.

Well apparently they may have been human after all as researchers found they were susceptible to normal human ailments. Having found mummies with clogged arteries. Says a cardiologist: "We may have oversold the whole healthy lifestyle thing."

Apparently they've found these arterial conditions in a number of humans . . . I meant early humans . . . which has stunned researchers who generally believed that ancient man was above the wants and desires of society.

In a horrifying moment of self-awareness researchers determined that we may not be so special after all and the old saying "there is nothing new under the sun" holds more than a cup of water. Maybe, just maybe, we are the same species . . .